Father's Day

I think that, just in general, dads are great and really important in the lives of their families and I have been so blessed to have not only a wonderful father who raised me but an amazing husband who is more than I deserve.  I was able to speak in church on Sunday for Father's Day and even though I really don't like public speaking I was pretty excited for the opportunity just because of the topic.

As I was thinking about what focus my talk should I came to the realization that moms get all the love and dads are sometimes left out in the cold.  I can't say this with 100% certainty, but it's a pretty safe bet that every October and April during the Priesthood Session of General Conference the men are all told to be better husbands and fathers and to honor and respect women.  Maybe I've not been paying attention, but I have never heard a similar message in the General Relief Society meeting reminding the women how amazing the men in our lives are.  In the end, I decided to talk about dads and the wonderful things they do and how we can be more supportive of them.  Just in case anyone feels like reading what I had to say I decided to post the text of my talk here.  And yes, I always write my talks out word for word.  I don't stand up there and read but it makes me feel better knowing that I could if I started to feel nervous!

Sitting next to Jared on the couch and watching TV is one of my favorite things to do after the day's work is done and the kids are in bed. One show we like to watch is a sitcom about a family, the Dunphy's, and all the crazy things that happen in their life. Jared and I both think the dad, Phil, is the funniest character on the show. However, I realized something after watching this and other shows featuring families - the dads are portrayed, almost across the board, as lazy, incompetent, and stupid.

The goal of many sitcoms and movies today is to get you to laugh and enjoy what you're watching. Taking a shot at fathers is an easy laugh. Think about it - how many television or movie dads have you seen who are the butt of all the jokes? He's outwitted by his children. He's the target of condescending eye rolls from his wife. He's dumb, oblivious to what's going on in his own family, and sometimes even selfish - but his family loves him anyway. The media creates a fatherly role that is not accurate just to get some laughter out of the audience.

In real life, dads are flawed, well rounded, sometimes wise, sometimes goofy, and mostly somewhere in the middle. Fathers lead, teach, and provide for their families and they deserve our respect and support. Today I'd like to talk about the important role of husband and fathers, how righteous fathers are an influence for good, and how we can support and show gratitude to the husbands and fathers in our lives.

Let’s discuss the role and responsibilities of husbands and fathers. We know, from “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” that “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” The Family Proclamation goes on to state, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”

In keeping with those two statements, I wanted to focus on some things which are required of fathers.

First, they are to provide a home for their families. It will never really matter how big the home is or how beautifully the house is decorated. What matters is that our homes are filled with love and the Spirit of God. Maybe you have heard the quote from David O. McKay, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home”? I know it’s one I've heard many times. What we don’t usually hear is what President McKay said immediately following that often repeated statement, “The poorest shack in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than any other riches. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles.” Fathers fill their homes with love and the Spirit by showing appreciation, comforting, encouraging, and listening to their wives and children.

Second, fathers teach their children. In Section 93 of the Doctrine and Covenants fathers are commanded to bring up their children in light and truth. Our children are growing up in a world in which they are constantly exposed to many things that are in direct opposition to that which we know to be true. It is not enough for fathers to leave the teaching of our children solely to their mothers, or their school teachers, or even their Primary teachers. Our children need to learn the basic principles of the gospel, they need to learn how to repent, they need to know how to recognize the influence of the Spirit and fathers can and should be teaching them these things. Family Home Evening, family scripture study, and family prayers are golden opportunities for fathers to teach their children the truths of the gospel. I testify that when fathers lead their families in weekly family nights and in daily family scripture study and prayers their families will be blessed and their homes will be filled with the Spirit. Great fathers do all they can to lead their children to Christ.

Third, fathers lead their families. Being a father means being a leader, I would even venture to say the most important kind of leader one can be. Fathers preside in the home. I’m not saying that dad makes all the decisions while mom and the kids follow meekly behind. Certainly, husbands and wives should counsel together as they make decisions for their families. However, I do think that sometimes dads need to step up, be men, and lead their families. In the October 2012 General Conference, Elder D. Todd Christofferson said, “As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play at home. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, . . . we cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home.”

Much is required of husbands and fathers because they are an amazing influence for good in the lives of their families. In the scriptures we find example after example of righteous fathers and how they impacted the choices their children made.

How many times do we feel as if what we’re saying is not making it into the hearts and minds of our children? These examples from the Book of Mormon can give us hope that what we’re saying and doing is making a difference to our kids. At a pivotal moment in Nephi’s life, his future was determined when he said, “I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father.” At the turning point of the prophet Enos’s life, he said it was “the words which I had often heard my father speak” which prompted one of the great revelations recorded in the Book of Mormon. Alma the Younger, when confronted by the memory of his sins, “remembered also to have heard [his] father prophesy … concerning the coming of … Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.” That memory, that personal testimony offered by his father at a time when the father may have felt nothing was sinking in, not only saved the spiritual life his son, but changed the history of the Book of Mormon people.

I am so grateful to my husband for the amazing father he is to our girls. I often feel as if I am not cut out to be the mother of five girls. I’m not especially girly, I am hopeless at doing hair and makeup, and I have almost no patience for tears and drama. Yeah, our poor daughters didn’t luck out in the mother department. They are however, the luckiest girls in the world to have Jared for their dad. Besides being the best looking dad ever, he has the patience I sometimes don’t to talk with them when they’re feeling angry, sad, or worried. Fathers are example to their children - examples of testimony, examples of service, examples of leadership, and examples of love.

Fathers have a heavy responsibility and they deserve our love, gratitude, and respect for all they do for our families. How can we show support for the husbands and fathers in our lives? May I suggest that we find out what their daily work and church responsibilities are and then find ways to support them in those duties? Some things you might consider:

First, prayer. Through our daily prayers we can both express our gratitude for the fathers in our lives and we can receive revelation about how we can support them in their responsibilities. In addition, ask them to pray for you or give you a Priesthood blessing. There is power in mutual support.

Second, gratitude. I would imagine that it’s not easy being responsible for a family’s temporal and spiritual well being. Show your gratitude for all they do for your family in both your words and actions. President Monson counseled, “Let us reflect gratitude for our fathers. Father, like Mother, is ever willing to sacrifice his own comfort for that of his children. Daily he toils to provide the necessities of life, never complaining, ever concerned for the well-being of his family. This love for children, this desire to see them well and happy, is a constant in a time of change.”

Finally, and this is one I need to work on myself, heed their counsel and take their advice. Jared often complains that I listen to everyone but him. What he means is that I rarely take his advice, but if someone else gives me the exact same advice, I take it! Because they love us, husband and fathers want to fix our problems. Wives, really it’s okay if you just wanted someone to listen to you and not fix your problems. Show them that you value and respect their influence in your life by listening to what they have to say.

I’d like to close with a short poem about fathers:

Only a dad, with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Toiling and striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come home and to hear his voice.

Only a dad, but he gives his all,
Smoothing the way for his children small,
Doing with courage so stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him.
These are the lines that for him I pen,
Only a dad—but the best of men.

While the media makes men look lazy and stupid, the truth is that fathers are great sources of wisdom and guidance, and they will always have their children's best interests at heart. I know that even though dads can be funny and goofy, they are so very important to their families. I am grateful to my own father who, through his example, showed me what qualities I should look for in a husband. I am grateful for my husband who perfectly makes up for my shortcomings as a mother and works tirelessly to support our family. I am grateful to have him by my side as we raise our children.