Mentors - Family Connections Experiment
I've always considered mentors to be a workplace thing and that a mentor is someone who shares their wisdom with a less experienced colleague. Thinking about mentors in a personal sense, as someone who has given support, advice, and motivation in my personal life was a shift for me. Even though I've never formally asked someone to be my mentor when I considered the questions for today's prompt two people came to mind and strangely enough, both of them have gone on vacation to Ireland with me. So whether they know it or not, through some sort of leprechaun magic, these two people have been there for me as examples, advice givers, and motivators.
I first met Larisa at church in Bitburg, Germany in the summer of 2000. We invited their family over for dinner one Sunday soon after we had both moved to the area and a friendship was born. It's been twenty years now that I've been watching Larisa - not in a creepy way, I promise - it's just that she's so outstanding at everything she does. I have memories of sitting in the basement of the church building with my little primary class when she was the primary chorister and just being so impressed with her ability to teach these kids not just primary songs but gospel principles. Ward choir was no different. She'd be both leading the choir and playing the piano, like the Elton John of choir directors and I still picture her in my mind every time I'm singing Hark, All Ye Nations! and am tempted to take an errant breath in the chorus.
Besides being a musical genius, she is a seriously amazing mother. I'm pretty sure her four kids all consider her to be their hero and best friend. I remember her saying one time that if her kids called her because they forgot their lunch or an assignment or whatever, she would always, always drive to the school or wherever else they were to help them. Some schools actually have policies against that. Don't rescue your kids if they've forgotten something is the advice; they need to learn to solve their own problems. Larisa's philosophy, and it's one that I love, is to rescue your kids if you can. When you're there for them in the small things, it lets them know they can trust you with the big things as well. Larisa will do anything to help, support, and generally be there for her kids.
She's also someone who loves the Lord and it shows in the way she lives her life and serves in the church. Recently, she was serving in a young women's presidency and I loved reading on her family blog about the girls she served with. She loved them fiercely, she advocated for them, she was their friend. Larisa is the kind of young woman leader who truly makes a difference in the lives of the girls and I have no doubt that these girls will bless her name when they're older and look back on their teenage years. Honestly, they probably already thank Heavenly Father for her.
What have I learned from her? I've learned that even an introvert can get up and be a leader. I was called to be the primary chorister a few years after seeing Larisa in action. My first thought was, "What would Larisa do?" and it's a question I ask myself with some regularity in all sorts of situations. For a good while in that calling (which is one of the best callings in the church, btw) every Sunday I would channel Larisa and pretend I knew what I was doing until I actually did know what I was doing. That technique has actually served me well in many situations in life where I feel a little less than qualified. Just be confident, smile, and keep moving forward. Larisa is the one who taught me that it's impossible to be a parent without the companionship of the Holy Ghost. That's a lesson I sometimes have to remind myself of every. single. day. because I'm stubborn and not always humble and I like to think I can figure things out myself. But I can't do this most important task of being a mom to our girls without the Spirit by my side and I've seen over the years how much better things work out when I listen to that voice in my head instead of pushing it aside. I learned that a life of service to the Lord is the best kind of life and that no matter what else life throws at you if you stay true to the Lord he'll be there giving you strength when you need it most.
Someone who has also had a deep impact on me is Heather. Our friendship doesn't go back quite as far and our paths crossed for the first time when we moved to England in late 2016. To be honest, we were more acquaintances than friends at first. It wasn't the immediate friendship that I found with Larisa. I remember the first time her family came over to our place for dinner and Heather brought her own food. As someone who prides herself on making delicious things for people to eat, that wasn't something I was sure about. I get it now, diabetics gotta be careful about what they eat and rather than dictate the entire menu for us and the two other families we had over that day she brought her own stuff. Which was actually pretty considerate, I just didn't see it at the time. Over the last couple of years, I have come to admire Heather more and more and realized how much I have to learn from her.
Other than the dinner thing, one of my first memories of Heather was in a Relief Society lesson one Sunday. I don't remember what the topic was, but she shared that she had a friend who was going through something difficult and there wasn't really anything she could do to help her, but she could cry with her and that sometimes that's what people need. Mourning with those that mourn isn't the same as comforting those who stand in need of comfort. I've realized that being open and vulnerable about my struggles gives other people permission to do the same. But I've also realized that not everyone wants the honest answer when they ask how things are going. They want to hear that everything is fine. Heather is the kind of person who sees people and who takes the time to find out how they're really doing. She doesn't accept the standard "everything's fine" answer and is okay with everything not being fine. I've sat at her table and cried with her when I would tell anyone else that I'm fine. We've joked that she and I need to get matching t-shirts that say I'm pretty cool but I cry a lot.
When Emily left for college, she took the time to reach out and see how I was doing. Jared and Emily were in Utah, Abigail and Samantha were at girl's camp, and I was doing okay, but certainly not great. So she said let's get out of the house and do something together and we went to a nearby abbey and had a picnic and talked and let our youngest kids run around and climb on ruins. It was exactly what I needed. More recently, when I had to have a really hard conversation with someone and Jared was out of the country for work, she came over to be there with me so I didn't have to be alone. And then she stayed at my place for hours eating cookie dough and watching trashy reality TV with me. It might sound strange, but that was possibly the most Christlike thing anyone has ever done for me. A couple of weeks later she was the person I called on another day of crisis and she was at my door with ice cream and enough food to keep our family fed for the weekend. In between and ever since, she's been checking in and texting me the perfect balance of funny memes and encouraging quotes.
Heather has taught me that there's humor and hope to be found in every situation. That true friends will cry with you and not just laugh with you. That it's brave to cry, especially when you cry and then get up and keep going. She's taught me to ask people how they're really doing and not to accept the easy answers. Heather is wise and curious and a fantastic teacher (both Abby and Emily would say she's been their favorite seminary teacher) and funny and always learning and a lot more cool things that I'm probably not aware of yet.
I'm grateful that with all the people on the earth and all the different things that had to line up just right for me to meet these two amazing women, the stars aligned and I have their friendship and their examples. It's truly miraculous.
I first met Larisa at church in Bitburg, Germany in the summer of 2000. We invited their family over for dinner one Sunday soon after we had both moved to the area and a friendship was born. It's been twenty years now that I've been watching Larisa - not in a creepy way, I promise - it's just that she's so outstanding at everything she does. I have memories of sitting in the basement of the church building with my little primary class when she was the primary chorister and just being so impressed with her ability to teach these kids not just primary songs but gospel principles. Ward choir was no different. She'd be both leading the choir and playing the piano, like the Elton John of choir directors and I still picture her in my mind every time I'm singing Hark, All Ye Nations! and am tempted to take an errant breath in the chorus.
Besides being a musical genius, she is a seriously amazing mother. I'm pretty sure her four kids all consider her to be their hero and best friend. I remember her saying one time that if her kids called her because they forgot their lunch or an assignment or whatever, she would always, always drive to the school or wherever else they were to help them. Some schools actually have policies against that. Don't rescue your kids if they've forgotten something is the advice; they need to learn to solve their own problems. Larisa's philosophy, and it's one that I love, is to rescue your kids if you can. When you're there for them in the small things, it lets them know they can trust you with the big things as well. Larisa will do anything to help, support, and generally be there for her kids.
She's also someone who loves the Lord and it shows in the way she lives her life and serves in the church. Recently, she was serving in a young women's presidency and I loved reading on her family blog about the girls she served with. She loved them fiercely, she advocated for them, she was their friend. Larisa is the kind of young woman leader who truly makes a difference in the lives of the girls and I have no doubt that these girls will bless her name when they're older and look back on their teenage years. Honestly, they probably already thank Heavenly Father for her.
What have I learned from her? I've learned that even an introvert can get up and be a leader. I was called to be the primary chorister a few years after seeing Larisa in action. My first thought was, "What would Larisa do?" and it's a question I ask myself with some regularity in all sorts of situations. For a good while in that calling (which is one of the best callings in the church, btw) every Sunday I would channel Larisa and pretend I knew what I was doing until I actually did know what I was doing. That technique has actually served me well in many situations in life where I feel a little less than qualified. Just be confident, smile, and keep moving forward. Larisa is the one who taught me that it's impossible to be a parent without the companionship of the Holy Ghost. That's a lesson I sometimes have to remind myself of every. single. day. because I'm stubborn and not always humble and I like to think I can figure things out myself. But I can't do this most important task of being a mom to our girls without the Spirit by my side and I've seen over the years how much better things work out when I listen to that voice in my head instead of pushing it aside. I learned that a life of service to the Lord is the best kind of life and that no matter what else life throws at you if you stay true to the Lord he'll be there giving you strength when you need it most.
Someone who has also had a deep impact on me is Heather. Our friendship doesn't go back quite as far and our paths crossed for the first time when we moved to England in late 2016. To be honest, we were more acquaintances than friends at first. It wasn't the immediate friendship that I found with Larisa. I remember the first time her family came over to our place for dinner and Heather brought her own food. As someone who prides herself on making delicious things for people to eat, that wasn't something I was sure about. I get it now, diabetics gotta be careful about what they eat and rather than dictate the entire menu for us and the two other families we had over that day she brought her own stuff. Which was actually pretty considerate, I just didn't see it at the time. Over the last couple of years, I have come to admire Heather more and more and realized how much I have to learn from her.
Other than the dinner thing, one of my first memories of Heather was in a Relief Society lesson one Sunday. I don't remember what the topic was, but she shared that she had a friend who was going through something difficult and there wasn't really anything she could do to help her, but she could cry with her and that sometimes that's what people need. Mourning with those that mourn isn't the same as comforting those who stand in need of comfort. I've realized that being open and vulnerable about my struggles gives other people permission to do the same. But I've also realized that not everyone wants the honest answer when they ask how things are going. They want to hear that everything is fine. Heather is the kind of person who sees people and who takes the time to find out how they're really doing. She doesn't accept the standard "everything's fine" answer and is okay with everything not being fine. I've sat at her table and cried with her when I would tell anyone else that I'm fine. We've joked that she and I need to get matching t-shirts that say I'm pretty cool but I cry a lot.
When Emily left for college, she took the time to reach out and see how I was doing. Jared and Emily were in Utah, Abigail and Samantha were at girl's camp, and I was doing okay, but certainly not great. So she said let's get out of the house and do something together and we went to a nearby abbey and had a picnic and talked and let our youngest kids run around and climb on ruins. It was exactly what I needed. More recently, when I had to have a really hard conversation with someone and Jared was out of the country for work, she came over to be there with me so I didn't have to be alone. And then she stayed at my place for hours eating cookie dough and watching trashy reality TV with me. It might sound strange, but that was possibly the most Christlike thing anyone has ever done for me. A couple of weeks later she was the person I called on another day of crisis and she was at my door with ice cream and enough food to keep our family fed for the weekend. In between and ever since, she's been checking in and texting me the perfect balance of funny memes and encouraging quotes.
Heather has taught me that there's humor and hope to be found in every situation. That true friends will cry with you and not just laugh with you. That it's brave to cry, especially when you cry and then get up and keep going. She's taught me to ask people how they're really doing and not to accept the easy answers. Heather is wise and curious and a fantastic teacher (both Abby and Emily would say she's been their favorite seminary teacher) and funny and always learning and a lot more cool things that I'm probably not aware of yet.
I'm grateful that with all the people on the earth and all the different things that had to line up just right for me to meet these two amazing women, the stars aligned and I have their friendship and their examples. It's truly miraculous.
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